I’m not sure how to begin a new entry. It’s my first since April. Until today, I haven’t had the heart or the focus to post again. Minutes ago I changed my profile. The old one didn’t fit me anymore. I’m no longer somebody’s wife.
In my post of February 17th I write about grandfathers really not being necessary and I’m not taking that back. I’ll just revise it to “Okay, well, all right, to the Grandmother they’re necessary.” This, I already knew though.
Skylar’s 2nd birthday came just two weeks after Jimmy died so we canceled her Jo-Jo party and Jackie and Glenn, Uncle Doug and I went to the Aquarium for the day. Why the Aquarium? Who knows? Now, I’m just the Grandma who sits in the back seat and goes along. What a pathetic picture – and not even true. They tied me to the hood.
About fish… I hate fish unless they’re served on a bed of rice. I think they’re discusting to watch. Those vibrant colors flickering in the water feels like a freaky LSD trip to me and I never took LSD. (really)
Sky loves fish so she was happy and that was the point. Nothing was going to make my kids and me happy so we numbly watched her run around, put her face up close to the tanks, giggle and tap the glass to say ‘hello’ to the fishies. All the time I kept wondering if Jimmy was watching us. Now, I’m wondering if Jimmy is reading this. He may be the only one.